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:	post by Hoser at 2003-10-01 00:19:07

Does anyone else wait until the very last second to let the shit "FIRE" out of their ass?
Typical Hoser shitting scenario:

Hoser is hanging around the house, discovers through brief anal pressure that he must shit immediately.
1.) On a dead run for the Bowl.
2.) Quickly wipes seat with good quality TP. (Keep in mind that he's in a dead rush at this point.)
3.) Yanks pants to ankles, sits in a fury.
4.) Realizes that there is no good reading material around.
5.) Searches behind bowl frantically.
6.) Discovers "Hustler" magazine on sink counter-top.
7.) Does insane "naked" shuffle with pants still around ankles over to sink counter.
8.) Reaches and grabs "Hustler" magazine.
9.) Frantically hustles (in naked shuffle style) back to toilet.
10.) Crazily flips to page in magazine.
11.) Realizes that he has seen this page before!!!!
12.) Rapidly begins flipping to a page that he has not yet seen, while holding back massive anal explosion.
13.) Finds page that he may or may not have seen, chooses to not think about it!!
14.) Anal explosion occurs with unprecidented back pressure, splattering ass cheeks and surrounding anal areas with water and/or piss. Penis has not yet been pushed into bowl. uncontrollable piss pressure sends penis on a splashing rampage, squirting front of toilet seat, and rebounding all over self.
15.) At this point you have a complete mess in and around the bowl. You are so insane during the process that you spend more time cleaning up piss from yourself and the bowl as a direct result of pee-pee's wild ride.
16.) You never really got to read anything, you angrily wipe your ass only to find that you have used all of the remaining toilet paper for cleaning up the mess you've made during your penises' splash fest.
17.) You leave satisfied yet harrowed over this experience. You knew that you shouldn't have waited that long to take a simple dump, and therefore promise yourself that it will be different next time.

All of this just to take a dump. Have any of you gone through this or am I just a fuckin' weirdo???
Hmmmmmmmmmmmm...........

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